I’m pedalling like hell into work one morning, having fallen back into pre-New Year’s Resolution habits and finding myself running late for work again. I’m making good time though; hopefully I’ll be quick enough to avoid incurring the wrath of my boss.

I’m only five minutes away and hurling down a hill and under a bridge when a man in a farm jeep coming the other way bellows something aggressive and incomprehensible as he comes the other way up the road. His growl echoes around the underpass and, a little nonplussed by it all, I continue on my way, assuming the most likely scenario i.e. that of some unsolicited anti-cyclist abuse.

I should have given the man more credit. His colleague was standing a little further up the road and shouted, “there’s cows coming!” and in the near distance a small herd of cows are being cajouled down the road towards me by a couple of farmhands. I get out of the way and wait the five minutes it takes for them to clear the road.

Now you could argue that I shouldn’t be cutting it so fine in getting into work. But guys, WHY are you herding your cows across the road at A QUARTER TO NINE IN THE MORNING?! Aren’t farmers supposed to be early risers? Couldn’t you have done this while I was at home eating my cereal?

29 April, 2021